A walk in the park
Posted by John on 03 Aug 2009 at 08:36 pm | Tagged as: Stories, Story
I was taking my dog for walk in the park today. First, we went to the dog park. He romped around like a mad man. I’ve never seen a creature so obsessed with an inanimate object. After I got his mind off the ball, we began to walk around the 2 mile loop that makes up the park. I noticed two power-walkers come up on us quickly! Arms a-pumping and lungs a-heaving, it was quite a sight. I began to imagine my life as a power walker, oh the efficiency! Just think how many more mundane things I could accomplish if I did them twice as fast. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wouldn’t cut it as a power-walker. I would start to challenge other power-walkers to games of power-walking CHICKEN. I’d speed-walk right towards them, they would get aggressive, then scared and turn like babies facing a pig. Eventually, I would meet my power-walking match. We would collide with a force only rivaled by Hiroshima. That would be the end for both of us, and anyone within three miles.
I passed by the power-walkers uneventfully. As I continued my loop, I heard some noise behind me. Turned and slyly looked over my shoulder. Two little girls were approaching me on pink bikes. I looked back forward, so as to not appear a pervert. I heard one of them yell to the other, “pull over here while so she can catch up.”
Both girls pulled over to the gravel on the side of the road and waited for an old pick up truck to pull up beside them. After the truck arrived, the girls took off again and speed down the road. The truck slowly continued forward. I didn’t think much about what was going on until I saw it happen again. I realized that the children were riding their bikes, while the parents followed in the car. Talk about lazy parenting. Eventually they caught up to us and passed. I looked in the car, I saw a man that was massively obese. He clearly could have used the exercise, but instead followed the children in the most lazy way possible. As a looked at him a little closer, I realized it wasn’t a man at all, but a WOMAN.