A Journey To Texas – Part 4

Hey, Dummy! This is Part 4! Read the rest first!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

After a two beers in this bar, my night becomes a little hazy, but I will recall it to the best of my abilities. I began to lose track of my drinking buddies in this place. They wondered off to mingle with the locals and I stayed up at the bar to refill my glass quickly. A woman setting next to me took notice of all the different beers I was ordering and struck up a conversation. Maybe woman isn’t the best description of her; I think sea cow or walrus would be better. She was a very large girl. We had a common interest in craft brews and began to talk. She recommended several from the bar and even bought me a few. She was heading back outside to the patio and told me to come and met her friends. I did, not knowing what happened to my posse.

Outside, her friends were ugly and annoying people. Don’t get me wrong, they were nice, but looked like drugged up alligators. I just ignored them and continued talking to this girl about beer. She bought me a few more rounds; some of her friends split to smoke weed. This left me with sea cow, her not-so-attractive friend, and some douche bag guy they hung out with. I didn’t notice it at the time, but as the night progressed, sea cow was moving closer and closer to me and began to put her arm on my chair.

Eventually, Mouse found me and said it was time to move onto the next bar of our pub-crawl. I informed sea cow and her friends that I had to leave and wished them a happy evening. This wasn’t enough for the cow. She demanded to know what bar was next on the list, so she could meet us there. I gave up the information thinking the next bar would be blocks, if not miles away and her fat little legs wouldn’t be able to carry her there. Turns out I was wrong.

The next bar was across the street. We drunkenly stumbled through traffic to the other bar. It didn’t have a theme, just a regular bar. I insisted on buying an Irish car bomb for Eric, as I didn’t think he was drunk enough. I was wrong.

I met a few British guys at the bar with a laptop and talked with them for a while. I got them to check my stocks for me, and since they were up I bought them a round. Mouse and Scotty told me a tale from the night before. When we were bar hopping on Sixth Street, a couple of Texas fans bought them a beer and wished us luck. Half way through the beer, these guys informed Mouse and Scott they were drinking non-alcoholic beverages. Mouse got a kick out of it and Scott was annoyed. Those crazy Texans.

I wandered around the bar a bit more and met the guy that organized the pub-crawl for the Alumni association. We chatted about how he was worried most fans would only see the Sixth Street bar scene and be treated rudely by the college aged fans. He wanted us to see the nice side of Austin.

During our chat I saw sea cow walking into the bar. Instantly I knew I had to be on the run. We played a game of cat and mouse. She was the cat and I was trying to find Mouse. I waited out on the patio as she was searching for me inside, when I saw her start to move onto the patio, I jumped the fence and went back in the front door. I found the rest of the gang hanging out in the front of the bar and told them I think its time we moved on.

They agreed so off we went to the next pub. I hadn’t finished my goal of trying every beer on tap in the previous bar, so I decided to split off from the group and go back to finish. Mouse, Scott, Jared, and Eric went on to the final bar of the pub-crawl. As soon as I entered the wood bar, I knew I had made a mistake. Sea cow’s friends were still there. I went to the other side of the bar where I hoped they couldn’t see me and continued my conquest. As a neared the end of the taps, I heard a thunderous booming at the entrance of the bar. I turned to see the dejected sea cow standing in the doorway. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom.

While in the bathroom I was taken aback at the beautiful wallpaper. I pulled out my cell phone and snapped a picture of it as I peed.

Cautiously, I left the bathroom. My luck for the night took a turn for the worse. The sea cow was exiting the women’s bathroom right across from me. Her eyes lit up and I knew I was screwed (possibly in the literal sense). The sea cow and her friend each took one of my arms and escorted me up to the balcony of the bar. I began to spin my cock and bull stories to the sea cow. I told her I was psychic, that I played guitars, and that I was casted for a lead roll in an upcoming action movie. She began whispering only to me, ignoring her friends. She started telling me personal things. She physically took my hand and put it very high up on her massive thigh. I felt it ooze into the fat like quicksand. I tried pulling it away, but that only made things worse.

I could see her underwear because she was wearing a very short skirt. The only thing I could think about was what a great sail they would make for a boat. I told her I owned a yacht. She started asking me to come back to her apartment with her. Said we would have a great time. I told her I couldn’t leave my friends and that I had no way to get back in the morning. She kept prodding me to come with her. I have a feeling that I would have been double teamed by the sea cow and her friend had I done so.

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