A Journey To Texas – Part 6

Welcome to the final installment of our series! I hope you have enjoyed sharing the adventure with me.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The next thing I remember is waking up the next day around noon. It was game day. Mouse and Scott had gotten up early to get breakfast and watch an ESPN show somewhere. Their return home is what stirred me from my slumber. I felt like complete and utter shit. I had never had a worse hangover. I tried to remember the night, and I had flashback of the sea cow’s underwear. I was horrified. Thanks to the wonder that is Mouse, I had made it back alive and not been used.

As Eric surfaced from the bathroom, Jared began to tell us what had happened the night before. After Eric puked through the table and onto himself and several Texans, Jared moved him downstairs where he kept his head down on the table till we arrived with the car. Early in the morning, Jared got up to use the bathroom and Eric informed him that he was going to puke. Jared rushed him the trashcan and Eric let fly. Jared gave us a demonstration of Eric vomiting, “BHWEHWEHEWHEHhahahWEHWEFHAWEh!” If you have not seen this impression, you must ask Jared to perform it for you, as no description could possibly be adequate.

After some moaning, groaning, and beer shits, we took off for downtown to find a parking space and a bar to watch the other big games that were on that day.

Mouse and Scott had found a safe garage earlier that morning and we parked easily. We started walking downtown in search of a bar and somewhere to eat. Being Texas, one would think the downtown area would be booming with good places to eat. Afterall, we all know that all Texan’s are fat. They have to get that fat from somewhere. The only decent looking place near by was a chili bar and after the night before, we agreed that it wouldn’t sit well in our abused stomachs. Our search continued and we finally found a sandwich shop.

Now, this sandwich shop was nice and clean; it generally looked like a nice place to have a quick sub. After entering and staring at the menu for a few moments, I tried to place an order.

“I’ll have a turkey sub on wheat,” I said.
The shop owner replied, “We’re out of turkey.”
“Okay, I’ll have ham on rye,” no big deal I thought.
“We’re out of rye,” he said.
It went on like this a few more times, and finally I settled for something I didn’t really want, but they actually had.

After seeing the size of my sub, I ordered a salad with French dressing to supplement my meal. I was expecting a small little side salad. The salad I received was bigger than any you would order as a dinner salad in a nice restaurant, but it had one minor defect, “We’re out of French.”

All in all, the sandwich and salad were both decent, but the shop owner is what made the experience. He was very friendly and happy, even though his shop was lacking many of the important items that make a sandwich shop. Mouse Ramer picked up our bill and tipped the man very generously (free cookie generous) as we nursed our hangovers with food.

We had a few hours to kill before heading over to the stadium to pick up our tickets and find our seats, so we decided to find a bar to watch a few of the other games that were happening. The only bars we knew were over on Sixth Street, too far away to walk. We wandered around the surrounding few blocks for a few minutes searching for a bar. We found a building that looked like it might be an establishment that served alcoholic beverages, but there was no signage of any form to ID it as such. We went inside to check it out.

Inside the bar, there were no windows, a dance floor on the far side of the room with a fancy looking lighting system. There were a few patrons at the bar, and one very well kept and stylish bartender. I think Cher was playing in the background. I cautiously looked at Jared, who just sort of nodded and grinned. He had more experience in this area than I.

The five of us wandered up to the bar and sat down. The TVs were playing Christopher Lowell. Mouse asked if they would put the game on for us and the bartender happily complied. We ordered some drinks, watched the game, and shot the shit with some of the other guys in the bar. After we finished out drinks, one of the other patrons offered to buy us a round. How nice of him.

Mouse started talking to the fellow that bought us a round, told him that he was with his son and his son’s friends here to watch the Buckeyes play. Mouse asked the man if he had a wife or kids. The man just chuckled and looked at Mouse rather puzzled.

“What I don’t get it…?” Mouse said.
“You don’t know what kind of bar this is, do you man?” the guy asked.
“I don’t know, just a regular bar,” replied Mouse.
“This is a gay bar man!”
“Are you shitting me?!” Mouse asked quite astonished.

We had been sitting in a gay bar for the last 45 minutes. Mouse, Scott, and Eric were oblivious the whole time. I don’t think anything short of two patrons breaking down and making out right in front of us would have clued them in. Jared and myself had caught on just a few seconds after walking in.

After sitting in disbelieve for a few minutes, Mouse decided it was time we head out, it was getting close to game time! We thanked the guys in the bar and they wished us luck.

We began our trek over to the stadium. We had to be at least two, if not more miles away, but the walk went quickly. On the way, at least 2 dozen Texas fan tried to convince us that we were walking the wrong direction. They must have all collaborated before we arrived. This running “joke” among the Texans continued, even when the stadium was within sight.

We arrived at the stadium, and got in line to claim our tickets. After waiting for 40 minutes, we had our tickets in hand. We filed into the stadium and found our seats near the top row of the student section.

We waited around for the game to start. Eric and Jared got some hot dogs and nachos. We chilled as the stands filled.

The game was filled with excitement. Scott would be much better than me at filling in the details, so I’ll leave it up to him. I’ll just say, Texas got what was coming to them. OSU won 24-7.

After the game ended, we all piled back into the car for our journey back to old Columbus town, with a drive through DOUBLE E, Missouri.

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