A Journey To Texas – Part 1
Posted by John on 05 Sep 2011 | Tagged as: Stories, Story
Presented here for the first time online in all its glory and bliss, is the The Texas Story. Semi-Officially titled, “A Journey to Texas,” it recounts the tall tale that occurred when myself and four friends made a magnificent road trip to watch some football. It will be presented in several parts, so stay tuned in over the next few weeks, you’ll hardly regret it!
Texas is a never-ending monotony of blue skies and broken fields traced by manufactured and generic housing. You feel like driving 120 mph down the desolate highway just to escape that emptiness. You do until you remember what Jesus told you, that Texas pigs are fucking dicks. I keep expecting to see tumbleweeds roll by for excitement, but I am sorely disappointed. I’m jumping ahead of myself here, way a head.
Perhaps I should start from the beginning instead of the end. In the summer of 2006, John “Mouse” Ramer planned a trip to see the OSU Buckeyes get their much-needed revenge on the Texas Longhorns. Easily the biggest game of the year for both teams, the bucks being ranked number one and the horns number 2. One evening in his basement, after a few games of beer pong, he asked me if I would be attending. After a few drunken moments of thought I loudly concluded that I would. Mouse was overjoyed with my decision and started screaming, “JOHNNYV, JOHNNYV, WE’RE GOING TO
TEXAS!!!”As the days went by and summer began to come to a close, a frantic scramble to find tickets began. Eric won a ticket in the student ticket lotto with his Irish luck. Mouse bought a pair for Scott and himself from the Alumni association, undoubtedly shelling out the big bucks. That left Jared and I out in the cold with little hope of find a pair for less than 900 bucks, far too much for our debt ridden student bodies. Facebook groups were created, internet forums were posted in, and eBay was searched. After giving up hope of finding tickets in our price range, a second Texas lotto was held, with Scott and Jared winning tickets. We were set. Let the fucking party begin! Well, first, some bad news. That van we were renting so we could all drive down in comfort and have legroom might have some issues.
“I hate to inform you John, yea we won’t be renting it,” Scott told me with semi-serious face. For a moment I was in disbelieve. I was certain he was joking, but as the awkward silence between us grew, it was clear it was telling the truth. Five grown men are driving 22 hours in a mid-sized sedan to watch a football game.
Now I’d like to call it to you attention, that I was currently homeless at the time of this trip, several days before, during, and several days after the trip took place; as were Eric and Jared. Jared and I were living with Scott, which is a heartbreaking experience, but that in and of itself is a tale for another time. So the day finally came; it was time to leave for Texas in our crowded clown car. Mouse arrived at Scott’s apartment to pick us up. The first thing out of his mouth was, “God, I could go for a beer!” Mouse came
prepared.We piled all our shit into the trunk, including Jared’s underwear trophy from a 6 year old girl. Yea, he likes them young, but who doesn’t? And off we went, Mouse driving and the rest of us pondering what will come. Will we win? Get lucky? Get our asses kicked by half-retarded drunken Texans? One thing was for sure – we would get hammered.
A short stop over in Dayton to eat at the Ramer’s favorite restaurant, the Outback, got a little rowdy. We embarrassed several waitresses and made another grossly uncomfortable with our conversation of how to divide her body amongst ourselves; Eric only wanted the ass. After a few beers and some shenanigans, we were back on the road, with myself in the driver seat. We drove on into the night, switching drivers after we got through Indiana.
Stay tuned for the next installment!